On Body Modification
Getting my first tattoo has been an eye opening experience for me. I've wanted to get a tattoo for as long as I can remember, but I never did it because I could never decide on something that I wanted permanently on my body. What was something that mattered so much to me that I could never regret it.
I think I had a lot of similar thoughts about transition. Sure, I may want it now, but what if I decide I don't in a few years?
But getting this tattoo I realized, it's not about finding some perfect thing, some perfect decision that you'll never regret. It's a story. It means something to me right now, and so what if some hypothetical future version of me disagrees. I don't owe future me some pristine unmodified body, and she doesn't get to decide what I do now.
When I started to transition I was constantly terrified that I was going to find out I'm not really trans, and that I'd have to detransition. But now I understand:
I am trans. I will always be trans, and it is impossible for me to detransition. Because even if I stop taking hormones, and go back to using he/him pronouns. This, this experience, this community, will always be a part of me. Nobody can ever take this away from me, as they can never take my tattoo, or my piercings.
I am trans, and I will always be trans. And that is good.